This life is a complicated balancing act. We each have different roles we play, things we manage, and jobs we do. The more responsibilities you have the more complicated your life gets.
So how do we move forward and not get stuck? How do we keep going?
There are unfinished lists, unhappy people, and a demanding world grabbing our attention.
What if we just want to give up or wipe the slate clean and start fresh?
I believe that we need to know something essential before we know what our daily routines should look like. We need to know what roles we actually have.
What are you actually responsible for? What do you care about? Who are you?
I have broken down my roles and it has given me clarity. I can look at my list and see what I actually need to be spending time on. I can also see the places that have quietly been forgotten. We can get distracted by the loud and “urgent” that are actually demands from others.
So, when I need to know where to spend my time or what to do next I do this process. I only need to do this about once a year when my life feels too complicated and I need serious clarity. (Often for me in the spring.)
- Name the jobs I do and the roles I have.
- Brain Dump tasks for each area. Start with the obvious.
- List out all my commitments. Look at my calendar.
- Brain Dump tasks again… List hidden tasks that need to move forward.
- Take a walk alone and process.
I made valuable discoveries when I listed out my roles and responsibilities.
The main basic areas:
- Myself
- my kids
- my marriage
- my home (& our animals)
- homeschool
- writing
- friendships & extended family
Then within each of those basic pieces, I have specific lists of things that I do.
Writing out all these things may seem ridiculous to other people.
It is calming for me.
It tells me where I am actually at. What is true.
What I am trying to get done in only 24 hours and 7 days a week.
Here is an example of how I divided my list.
I like to start with the obvious so that I can be practical right away.
- My Home
- What tasks/projects need to be done?
- Walk around and make notes.
- Basic chores and weekly cleaning.
- Deep cleaning and specific organizing.
- Getting kids to do their chores and clean their rooms.
- pets & farm animals – care, maintenance, cleaning, grooming
- Meal Planning
- sort the pantry, freezer, and the fridge
- Seasonal Dinner Queue, gathering recipes, updating lists
- My Health/Fitness
- Long walks, Healthy Habits, Workouts, Yoga
- Drink more water!!
- eat more salads and fresh veggies
Then I go deeper into the next level of what matters to me.
- My Personal Growth
- How am I feeding my mind, heart, and soul?
- Devotional, Quiet Time, Bible, Church Notes
- Reading List, Bullet Journal, Commonplace Notebook
- Hobbies & living a vibrant life – What am I doing to be fully alive?
- Wife
- How am I choosing to love Jim well?
- How can I support him and make time for him?
- things to discuss, plan out date nights, decisions to make together
- Mom
- How can I invest in each kid?
- What can I do to foster love and communication?
- When have I spent time alone with each kid doing something that he/she loves?
- What do my teens need from me?
- What do my younger kids need from me?
Then I look at all the jobs that I balance. There are so many things that I manage.
- Long Term planning
- Seasonal / Holidays / Birthdays
- What is coming up? What needs to be planned for?
- RV trips and Adventure Days – plan them out
- Bucket Lists – Seasonal activities to add fun into our days
- Finances
- Does my spending match my values?
- Am I staying within my budget? What needs to change?
- Homeschool
- What needs to be planned, scheduled, and completed?
- Grading and paperwork to complete.
- Organizing materials and sorting all the things…
- Writing
- Where am I headed? What is next?
- What do I need to learn? How am I gathering information to move forward?
- Inspiration – Fill the well. Capture ideas in the moment. Spend time writing daily.
- Friendships
- Invest in life-giving people – Who brings me back to who I am? Who is grounding?
- Text / email / Marco Polo / Send notes / make plans
- Extended Family
- be kind and encouraging, love them well
- Send photos, updates, and check-in
Woah! That is a lot. And I think I forgot to add the mountain of laundry to that list.
Writing out all the things may seem ridiculous to some. It is calming for me. It tells me where I am actually at. What is true. What I am trying to get done in only 24 hours and 7 days a week.
It brings me back to the realistic and what is most important.
It often explains why I feel like I am being pulled in many directions. Because I am. That frustration is legit. I am trying to do too much.
Suddenly I know what I need to spend more time on. And what I need to let go of.
Trade-offs are real and decisions should be made strategically and thoughtfully.
A choice is an action, not just something we have but something we DO.
– Essentialism by Greg McKeown
These questions and this way of looking at things come very naturally to me. The thoughts flow easily. It is my natural bent. Maybe this will help you if your reflection looks different than mine.
I hope that making these crazy long lists encourages wholeness and continuity. We want to live in a way that is full of what we care about. We do not want segmented life that is wasted on small things.
My prayer for you is that you find an intentional path to where you want to go. That you lead your family well. We need to know what hats we wear and what roles we actually have.
- What are you actually responsible for?
- What are the basic areas and jobs you have?
- Where and how do you spend your time?
- What do you care about? Who are you?
I have broken down my roles and it has given me clarity. I hope it does the same for you.
💙Wishing you the best! – April
Photos by Alexa Williams, and others on Unsplash
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