What is restful to one person might be stressful and overwhelming to another. A calm and smooth transition to one person might seem abrupt and difficult for someone else.
We all slow down in different ways and at different speeds. We can be kind and gracious to each other with understanding. The way that each of us approaches rest will be different.
One of my best friends is a fast race car. 0 to 60 in seconds. Erin’s motto is: “Let’s do this!”
I work at a much slower pace.
We are both highly productive people who embrace personal growth and deep connection. Here is how we do this differently…
The Race Car vs. the old Slow Locamotive
April’s Perspective: The Slow Locomotive
I do not transition quickly. I take a long time to warm up, be present, and feel comfortable in the moment. This is a beautiful piece of self-knowledge that I am finally learning. I am like a locomotive steam engine.
I need space and time to speed up and get to where I am going.
I take a long time to emotionally open up and be ready to share. Even with people that I am comfortable and safe with. Chug..chug.. chug… Gears screeching and wheels slowly turning…
I am slow to start and slow to decelerate. Steam Locomotives take more than 2 miles to slow down to a stop. You cannot expect productive speed from a steam engine if it must switch tracks or come to a stop.
But those old trains can really move when they get going. I am the same way. If I am in the midst of a project, I can get things done!
I do not enjoy multi-tasking. If I have space and time to focus on one thing, without interruption, I can be highly productive.
Fun Fact: Steam engine locomotives were the main form of long-distance transportation from 1829 to 1945 = 116 years. If you wanted to travel quickly or transport goods across the country then that was the way to go.
I have to slow down gradually. I cannot go from busy activity to complete silence.
After being in social situations where I am surrounded by people and noise. The quiet is too jarring. I must let myself slow down in stages to feel comfortable with rest again.
The stopping and the quiet are the endpoints. But I cannot just jump out of the activity and get there. I need to let things slowly change over time.
For example, I need a way to gradually slow down after hosting a birthday party with all the kids, activities, and noise. I must create a logical fork in the road to quiet. I will usually sweep and mop the kitchen while listening to a podcast. Then after that, I will sit in silence or spend time reading on the couch.
This is my “track”, my path, back to calm and quiet.
There are definitely times when I must be out of my comfort zone and push through. There are seasons where the calendar has more than what I find comfortable (ahem, December).
I am more comfortable in my skin when I give myself a long track of time to move at my slow pace.
Erin’s Perspective: The Race Car
I’ve heard it said that if a woman’s brain is like a computer- they have a bunch of windows open at all times. My brain is like that. And just as fast as you can switch from one computer window to another, I can transition to another thought, topic or goal.
0 to 60 in seconds. I’m like a race car. I can be productive, go deep, process information about multiple topics, and then relax in minutes. Picture a car going 90 miles per hour, drifting quickly from one thing to the next.
In emotional conversations and counseling, this means I want to get to the root cause, deal with it, and move on my way. I’m instantly ready to dive right in no matter the topic. I know the value of opening up and dealing with emotions so I want to get there and reap the benefit as quickly as possible.
Recently I identified an area in my life that I needed to pray about and seek God. I knew the journey would be hard, but I jumped right in that same day.
In relationships, this means I can easily transition into processing with a friend. I don’t need small talk to get me there. I always have a full tank of gas, ready to press the accelerator pedal. The problem with that is, not everyone enjoys that speed.
This means sometimes I either go racing by or even run them over with the speed and intensity of my thoughts. I have to remember that not everyone travels that fast. I have to be patient and let others process at their own pace. I have to take a breath and let others catch up to where I am.
This is also true for task lists and planning. The swirling lists of all I have to do are ever-present. Like a map of twisting roads in my head. I want to zoom around, get it done and move on to the next thing.
The trouble with operating like a race car is I miss a lot on the journey as I go zooming by- drifting from one thing to the next. My focus is on the destination and the shortest path to get there. On the flip side, it means I can be super productive in a short amount of time and I can accomplish a lot in one day.
Then, as quickly as I get going, I can come to a stop. After large gatherings and overwhelming social situations, I am able to come to an abrupt halt. I can switch from constant activity to a blob on the couch almost immediately.
I find large social events to be exhausting so it is nice to jump quickly to relaxation mode when it is all over. Sometimes, that downtime has to be quite long to make up for the amount of time I was going full speed.
How about you?
What speeds do you feel comfortable traveling at?
To be the best versions of ourselves
we need to understand our natural tendencies
(and make space for others to transition differently.)
We have people in our lives who move at all kinds of different speeds in their levels of productivity, the ways they transition, and how they structure their schedules.
Self-knowledge is so helpful and freeing.
To be the best versions of ourselves we need to understand our natural tendencies.
No matter what speeds you travel at,
we all need a rhythm of rest.
Finding how to get there is going to take time.
- How do you face daily transitions?
- What in your schedule is difficult for you?
- What events do you attend or host that wear you out?
- In the past, when have you been most drained?
- What do you typically do at home after a busy day out?
- How do your kids react to lots of activity and noise?
- Where do you find yourself struggling to keep up? Specific locations/tasks?
- Who in your life moves at a slower (or faster) speed? How does that affect you?
What would it be if you were to name a mode of transportation after your personality?
Here are some that I have heard from family and friends: Antique tractor, Bullet train in Japan, city bus, old-fashioned Model T, a beach bike, convertible Jeep with the top down, kayak, a New York taxicab, a Vespa, a hot air balloon, and a farm truck.
How does a busy day affect you? Does it take time for you to slow down and relax?
We all approach rest in different ways. Some of us just crash and switch to rest quickly. I need a length of time where activity slows down.
We believe that this is an area where self-knowledge is valuable.
No matter what speeds you travel at, we all need a rhythm of rest. Finding how to get there is going to take time.
We hope this transportation analogy is helpful to you in naming how to slow down.
Wishing you the best! – April & Erin
Erin Paige works in behavioral health. She has a master’s degree in professional counseling and has been working with mental health agencies for over 9 years. She is always pushing herself to be a better mom for her 2 girls and is a healthy well-rounded person. I am thankful for her friendship and excited that she was willing help me write this article.
Photos by Tyler Clemmensen, Giovanni Ribeiro, Jack Anstey, Matt Seymour and others on Unsplash.
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