Tips for Moms with Mental Fatigue

Parenting is hard. The learning curve of new parenting skills is always moving forward.

There is an exhaustion that sets in from constantly thinking about small things, worrying about big things, and making decisions about what your children need.

Each phase is radically different than before. Every few months there is a new skill to adapt to. Also, lack of sleep makes my brain feel so foggy and sluggish.

How about you?

What makes parenting a challenge in your home?

Is it the lack of sleep, the number of decisions, the constant needs to be met, or maybe other relationships that weigh you down? … all of those things are valid. All of those are hard.

There is no desire for comparison or judgment here. Only understanding and kindness. Your unique experience is difficult in your individual way.

You can get through this with joy, love, and even some rest.

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Here are 4 practical tips to help you out:

#1 – Trust Your Gut

You know what is best for you, your baby, your little kids. You know their personalities and yours.  You know what each noise they make means and if they need help or if they are communicating. Yes, gather ideas from other people. Talk to other moms about what they do for different things.  But then trust yourself.

I struggled with so much self-doubt compounded by all the articles I read that conflicted with each other.  Parenting experts warned me that I would ruin my kids if I did it “wrong”. 

There is not a “right way” to be a parent any more than a right way to be a human. 

We all just have to show up, do our best, and trust what we know right now.  Just look at today and take the next logical steps forward.  When you get time to reflect or plan, then trust yourself more than the advice from others.

#2 – Pinpoint The Frustrations

What is causing the most difficulty?  Being a mom of young kids is so hard in so many different ways. Being a parent is constantly challenging.  What is the area that feels most overwhelming?

• Is it household tasks and keeping up with all the different things to be done?  Which household tasks drive you crazy?  Which do you procrastinate on? Can you get help with any of these tasks?
• Are there outside events that feel impossible to attend?  What can you do to make those successful?  Are they necessary?
• Is it activity and noise?  How can you reduce the noise level or the stimulation in the environment?  Can you turn off a TV or music playing? Can you have less people in that room?  Can you have the kids lower their voices?  (this is my big trigger)
• Do you feel lonely?  How can you reach out and connect with other adults? Who can you text or talk to today? We are made for community and sharing life with others.
• Do you need more sleep? Plan out a naptime for yourself.  Go to bed early. Have someone watch you littles and get some rest.
• What needs do you need met?  How can you do that?

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#3 – Ta-Da Lists

Journaling and Ta-Da lists remind me of how much I have actually done.

When I get in a funk the most effective thing for me to do is write out all the things I have done that day. 

I write down all the silly small things and the big ones.  I list all of the things I have done to grow relationships along with the household tasks.

This makes a huge difference for me.  I am able to see in a tangible way what I have done and also list out everything I want to do. 

It validates the truth of my situation.

• Here is a peak into a Ta-Da List I wrote the other morning:
  • made breakfast, grocery shopped, sorted the mail, folded a load of laundry, texted my sister, built a pillow fort with Kyle in living room, snacks, talked with neighbor, lunch prep….

• Get out a notes app on your phone or a piece of paper and ask yourself:
  • What small things have I done today?
  • What big things have worked on?
  • What healthy habits have I made progress on?
  • Did I take my vitamins?  Did I stretch and take deep breaths?
  • What do I want to get done? Just write it all out.  Get it out of your head.
  • Who can I text with some encouragement?
  • Did I eat healthy?  How much water have I been drinking?
  • Can I turn on some music and have a littles dance party in the kitchen?
  • What task is bothering me the most right now?  dishes, laundry, toys…?
  • Do I need fresh air and a change of scenery?  Can I take a walk with the kids? Or go for a short drive with the windows down?
  • What would I say to a friend in this exact situation?  What would I tell her?
  • What are the critical voices saying?  Deal with that and kill the lies.

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#4 – Habit Stacking

This is my favorite practice of stacking a list of habits that have the same theme or time frame together so that they all get done at once. It is a way for me to move through my routines without much thought. 

When I get interrupted then I have to stop and think about the next step, but the routine is still there. It gives me time for my kids and their needs.

I used to have 5 separate tasks to do each morning fitting it between what the kids needed. But now, I get it all done at once in 15 minutes and then have space to do other things or just be fully present with my kids. No more multitasking!

Examples:

• Car Cleanup = When I get gas in the van I follow a routine the same way every time to keep things in order. (start gas pump, empty trash bin, wash windows, gather extra stuff in one spot, clean out cupholders – my kids help)

• Daily Prep = In the mornings I usually fill my water cups for the day, do 30 squats, start my coffee pot, check my meal plan for what needs to be thawed for dinner, check the calendar, and do some stretches.

• Kitchen Shutdown = My kids are eating machines!  I am glad that they are healthy and growing strong but I need to close the kitchen to stop the messes for the day. 

After dinner, my husband would be in charge of the bath routine when we had little kids. Then I would: put leftovers away, load the dishwasher, do hand wash dishes, wipe down counters, wipe down the table, sweep floors and under the high chair, and turn out the lights.  (These days my older kids help with most of this list and I just finish by handwashing dishes.)

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Habit Stacking is a term from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. He explains the use of Habit Stacking for forming new habits and keeping up with old ones. I have been doing this concept for years but did not have a term or a well-worded explanation for it.

His definitions are so well written I have included them here. These are from Chapter 5 p.74 – 77.  I highly recommend this book if you are interested in habits!

“One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top.”

“…habit stacking allows you to create a set of simple rules that guide your future behavior. It’s like you always have a game plan for which action should come next.”

Atomic Habits by James Clear

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Having little ones is exhausting and wonderful.  It is demanding, physically tiring, mentally taxing, but also full of beautiful moments. 

It is okay to be totally in love with your toddlers and also completely exhausted by them. To enjoy talking with your teens late at night but also be ready for quiet at 11pm. We can feel excited about the 4th grader showing maturity and also miss her childish chatter.

You do not have to do this alone.  Ask for help, trust your gut, use tools that make sense for you, and find the spots that drive you crazy.

You are so very capable!  You got this! 

Smiles & Love, April

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More on Lists: My Life in Lists – I have found freedom in list-making. 

Finding rest and rhythms that work for me: 5 Ways to Find Rest (from an Overachiever)

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