How God Met Me in London – From Burnout to Transformation

In July of 2019, my oldest daughter and I had the opportunity to go to London with my favorite aunt and cousins. It was an amazing trip full of so many amazing sights, steeped in history and spending time with wonderful people.  

But for me, it was transformative.  

In 2019 I was experiencing burnout in most areas of my life. 

My body & physical health

I was feeling tired all the time, had stomach issues often, and I was eating the SAD (Standard American Diet). I met with my doctor in March that year and finally decided that I could not exercise out of a bad diet.

So I slowly made changes.

I was worn out and just doing the basics. I did not have the energy for big transitions but something needed to change.

[read more about that here]

My job / homeschooling

I was at a place of burnout in my homeschooling. I had been homeschooling for over 8 years and my oldest was about to enter high school. Around February of that year, I felt the repetition begin to frustrate and overwhelm me.

I had an 8th grader and 5th grader who are highly motivated and must be academically challenged, a 2nd grader who was giving me grief about most school lessons, and a very busy 4-year-old.

My calendar was overflowing and I was overcommitted.

I was participating in 5 different homeschool classes and co-ops outside of our regular morning school schedule. (Plus driving the kids to dance classes, archery club, church events, and piano lessons.)

My home & my stuff

My household clutter was causing me stress. The need to deal with my lazy habits. My relationship with my stuff had come to a breaking point. It was weighing me down.

It is such a blessing to have space for things, but it can also be a double-edged sword. Just because there is space for something does not mean I need to keep it.

I feel overwhelmed when every surface is full, every bookshelf crammed, and every closet spilling out with stuff. Stuff has pull on us. It holds emotional power and the weight of unmade decisions.

[read more about that here]

By July, I had slowly (very slowly) gone through half of the rooms in my house decluttering one area at a time. The progress was like plodding forward but significant. My home was feeling comfortable again.

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I had done so much work in major areas of my life. But I still felt stuck.

I heard the songs during church worship that told me I was a “child of God”, I am “loved by Him”, and that “God wants to rescue me”. I robotically sang them out loud along with those around me, but in my heart, they felt like empty words.

I fully believed that I am accepted by what I have accomplished and what I am able to do. That my worth is tied to my task lists, accomplishments, and my busy schedule. 

And then I went to London.

Boarding the plane and flying for 9 hours was the most stressful thing I had done in a long time. I felt anxious, car sick, trapped in that tiny seat, unable to sleep or read, and exhausted. My mind reeled with what-if scenarios. I was a freaking mess.

The next two weeks were full of walking, seeing amazing things, and taking in London (and a few days in Paris).

My favorite part was the conversations that happened in the waiting. 

We talked about life, books, and ideas. There were ideological debates over dinner, talk about generational habits, and the sharing of stories on the train rides.

Each night we would drop into our beds exhausted but satisfied by what we were able to see and do.  

Going to London, I was able to step back from my life as a homeschool mom. From the demands of being a mom to four kids and a teacher of many more. I had space from my overfilled schedule that was meeting everyone else’s needs but not my own. 

I maintained my diet changes despite the amazing restaurant menus. I made low-carb choices one meal at a time. I had amazing salads and healthy breakfasts every day. I drank a ton of water and enjoyed fancy lattes. 

Getting space from relationships and household projects was what I needed. I had gotten bogged down in the urgent and unimportant.

I had lost what truly mattered to me and my own voice. 

My hope for you is that you do not have to run away to another continent to get clarity on your life. That God will meet you in your back yard or on a local walking path. He does that too. [see this post – Enough]

I am just very stubborn and need an extreme change in my surroundings to wake me up. To bring me to myself and to bring me back to My Creator. 

When I arrived back home I felt like a different version of myself. My husband noticed immediately and this brought us closer. 

My kids loved how relaxed I was and how much patience I had gained from my new identity in God. My schedule was still way too much and my household tasks were still overwhelming. But I retained that strength and calm from those gardens in London. 

My reading stack shifted to reflect me finding my voice. My confidence grew and blossomed over that next year one small broken part at a time. 

I look at that version of myself from January of 2019 and see so much frustration and pain. I am so thankful for all the hard work, change, and the grace of God in this process.  

I wish a beautiful transformation for each of you. 

I pray that you will find your “London place” to meet God in a new way. That He will wrap His loving arms around you and heal the hardened places in your heart.

Smiles & Hugs! – April

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