Ever feel like your own expectations are tripping you up? Let’s break them down, examine what really matters, and find freedom in embracing the season you’re in.
“There is no expectation without explanation.” – Leah Boden
I have used this quote to improve my relationships with my kids, in homeschooling, and even in my marriage.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about all of the expectations pressing in on us from our very busy overstimulating world. I believe I have found a new layer to this concept.
I have created a new motto for myself:
“There is no expectation without examination and practical application.”
So what does this look like?
- When I’m expecting myself to keep certain standards in a specific area, I realize that needs to be looked at.
- If I’m coming up against disappointment or negative self-talk then I look at what is causing this situation.
- Am I expecting a standard that does not fit the season that I am in?
- Am I trying to do too many things at once?
- Would I have those same standards for a friend given the same circumstances?
- Are these expectations kind?
Areas in my home that cause me constant frustration:
- keeping the kitchen floors clean
- my bookshelves (there is so much stacking and shoving of books it quickly becomes a mess)
- the schoolroom closet and all school supplies
- my linen closet
- anywhere we store games or toys
- the pantry
- places where things get stacked by others in my family
A quick example:
My linen closet is my nemesis to my clean and organized plans. I am certain that when I moved into my first house as a newlywed that closet goblins snuck as secret roommates. They have been living with me my whole adult life…
I can promise you that I put sheets, towels, and blankets neatly into the closet clean and folded. However, the next time I open the door they have become jumbled, rummaged through, and tossed about.
I get frustrated with it because it feels like more than a simple organization project. I feel like I have failed as a mom or homemaker. It feels heavy and overwhelming.
Does this resonate with you?
It may take some reflection for me to uncover the layers behind what I am expecting from myself in different areas. It often has roots in fear, anxiety, or control.
This is not fun to uncover but is extremely useful.
To get to those layers I need to have a conversation with a safe and compassionate friend. Some time in counseling, or I need to spend some time alone journaling and asking myself the question “why?”. Sometimes I need all three!
In peeling back those layers of unrealistic expectations, I find freedom. It allows me to move away from frustration and toward self-compassion.
Recently on the podcast I discussed with Jalynne the power of empathy and self-compassion – Ep. #012 The First Step to Avoiding Burnout – Defining Empathy w/Jalynne.
{Don’t miss this helpful quick listen.}
When we examine our expectations and apply kindness, we create space for growth and grace in our lives.
So, let’s release the pressure, embrace this season, and allow ourselves the freedom to live with intention—not perfection.
What self-inflicted expectations do you have in your life that constantly lead to disappointment?
I would love to hear from you! Put some heart emojis in the comments if this is something you are working on too.
You are not alone!